Today is Carly’s birthday, yo!  She’s the talent behind the comic maddness known as Creepy Carly.  Trust me, it’s HECKA funny!  Oh, yes, I did just say “hecka funny.”  I’m from California!  Yeah, I know in northern California, it’s cool to say “hella” all the time.  And we hate that in southern California.  It drives them even MORE bonkers when someone says “hecka.”  And I’ve lost all comedic timing by actually explaining all of this.  How awesomey am I?

So go check out the comic.  Check out CARLY’S comic.  Buy one of her shirts.  That’d be a great birthday present for her!  Then sign up for your FREE DRUNK DUCK account so you can read and comment on over 8,000 webcomics!  Who knows?  You may even be inspired to create you’re own!  Yeah, I’m on Drunk Duck, too.  You can find me by my user name MacLPirata.  The linke is http://user.drunkduck.com/MacLPirata.

To see the first meeting of Clyde and Carly, go check out DEATH BY BUNNY #042: When Clyde Met Carly!

Seriously, these people need to be shaved, sterilied, & destroyed.  They need to be pulled from their vehicles, drawn into the center of town, and publically humiliated.  We need to take away their licenses.  We need to take away other priveliges.  They need to not be able to buy alcohol or lottery tickets.  They need to have memberships to clubs revoked.  If they’re professionals, they should probably be sacked.  Moral turpitude, dammit!  What dishonourable shit could even do something like this?  Where is it ok?  What possible reason would permit them from doing this?  Fear.  That’s all.

“Shit.  I screwed up.  I don’t want to get caught.  What if he’s hurt?  What if he’s dead?  If I leave, they can’t find me!  I’m ok.”

Well I got news for you, buddy.  I’m going to find you.  I’m going to track you down and justice shall be mine.  You WILL be arrested.  You WILL go to jail.  You WILL kiss my bumper and apologize for damaging my car.  You WILL pay my bloody deductible.

How am going to do this?  I need your help.  The help of the Dallas populace.  Here’s what happened:

I was traveling westbound on LBJ Freeway this morning.  I was in the far left lane.  Thanks jointly to weather and normal idiot drivers, traffic in front of me came to a halt and so did I.  Unfortunately, the guy behind me did not.  At 0647 I was struck from the rear by an unidentified vehicle.  All I know is that it was larger than my vehicle (I drive a 2007 Chevy HHR).  We both hit our blinkers and started to move to the right as traffice began moving.  I thought all was well and we were going to exchange info and all would be well in the Kingdom of Nigh.

That’s what I get for thinking, right?  As soon as I got hit I called my ex-wife to let her know I would be late picking up our children.  This call lasted all of 10 seconds and I immediately called 911 to report the incident.  In the process of moving over I lost track of the second driver.  It could have been one of two particular drivers next to me, however I only retrieved one of the license plates.  That’s right, buddy.  There’s a 50/50 shot I got your number!

I got off at TI Blvd and thought he would, too.  He did not.  The ass turkey decided to keep going.  I know he did because it could only have been one of these two vehicles and I was unable to follow.  I couldn’t get back over.  It was too late.

Here’s what I need.  If you were traveling along LBJ Freeway (635 West) in Dallas, Texas around 0647am on Friday, 19 December 2008, I would greatly appreciate it if you happened to be a witness.  Did you see this happen?  Did you see the second vehicle flee?  Make?  Model?  Hell, even COLOUR!  It was too dark for me to see through my rear view mirror, but I would love the help of the public.

Even if you didn’t see this, I’d love if you’d repost this in your own blog to help find the culprit.  MySpace, Facebook, Blogger, WHATEVER!  I need help, youse guys, and I’m in a bunch of pain.  Nothing broken, but I’m still hurtin’.  No sense in me having to pay ANYTHING out of pocket when some JACKASS did this and didn’t even have the gonads to stick around and man up to what he did.

Ass.

By the by.  Today is my son Jackson’s second birthday.  I’m sure he’d love a shout, yo.